I Just Don't Understand
by ams31
Summary: Epilogue to Po'ipu. How does Steve decompress after killing his former Seal teammate? Sam Hanna from NCIS-LA makes a guest appearance.


Hi All. This is my first Hawaii Five-O story. I have been re-watching the series and this story has stayed with me in the back of my head since seeing this episode again. As we find out, Steve has a history with Sam Hanna from NCIS-LA. Sam had a similar experience in Venegance (Season 3), but with a different outcome. In my world, I performed a little time manipulation - real time, these two stories took place about 2-3 years apart. In my world, they happened close together. Anyway, I hope that you like it.

H50******************************************************************

The crime scene technicians finished processing the house. The paramedics have checked over the Five-O members, especially Steve who was stabbed and in a hand-to-hand combat match with a former seal. Danny tried to talk Steve into staying with him that night, but Steve insisted that he wanted to stay at the house.

Finally, Steve was alone in the house and had time to process the day's events. He trusted Nick, Bullfrog, with his life and it almost cost him his and the lives of his team. If he had just taken into account Danny's opinion, the day might not have gone so bad. Even though it was almost 3 am, he was too wired to sleep.

Steve paces the house, his mind not resting at all. He really wants to speak to Catherine, but she is on a classified mission and cannot be reached. She calls him when she is able to, even when she does call; it is only for a few minutes. She wouldn't have the time to talk this through, right now. He knows that he will talk to Catherine about this, once her mission is over.

"Steve plops down in his armchair, exhausted, but not able to sleep. He perks up for a moment, grabs his phone and dials a number that he hasn't called in a while. Minutes later, a sleepy voice answers the phone, "Hanna".

Steve looks at the clock and realizes how late it is. "Hey Sam, sorry for the late call. I wasn't thinking about the time." Steve hears the rustle of bed sheets.

"McGarrett, don't worry about it. What's up?"

Steve sighs. "Bullfrog is dead."

"Wait. What? Last I heard, he retired and opened up a personal security firm."

Steve snorts, "Yeah, I found out about his personal security firm this morning. His team was supposed to work with my team in protecting a high-value asset. There was a credible threat against this person and his family. Before the day was over, I found out…"

Steve stops, not able to get the words out. Sam is listening on the other end. "What happened?"

Steve sighs, "I found out that Nick was behind the threat and was willing and able to take out the asset."

It's quite for a few minutes. "Sam, we worked with him, he was on my Seal Team for a while before he started working with the CIA. I trusted him. I blindly trusted him and it almost cost me my life and the lives of my team. In the end it came down to my life or his, he lost. I killed him." Steve pauses again.

"Sam, he actually said that '_he killed for god and country for years, he figured it was about time he got paid for it._' I just don't understand. I have seen and done things that haunt me most nights. But never once would I consider…" Steve shakes his head, "I just don't understand."

Sam waits a few minutes to let Steve tamp down those memories. "Steve, I get it man. I don't understand either. Recently, my team had to investigate a Seal Team for murder. It was one of hardest things I had to do. I made a decision to let them go so they could complete their mission. My team didn't understand how I _knew_ they didn't commit murder. I just knew it. I _understood_ these men; I _knew_ the integrity of these men without ever having fought beside them. I laid my career on the line for them. It turned out that I was right, but there was a small chance that it could have gone the other way. I could have lost my job."

"Steve, like you, I believe in the oath that I took for this country, I took as a Seal. I believe in the sacrifices I made and the men who made similiar ones. It's hard when one of us goes bad. It's a deep hurt, a flaw in what we believe in with a 100% of our soul."

Steve sighs in relief, someone understands. "Thanks man. It helped talking to you. If you ever make that call again and it goes sideways, you always have a job out here with Five-O."

Sam laughs, "No problem. Glad you call. You never know, I might take you up on your offer."

Steve laughs, "Doors always opened. I haven't forgotten that I owe you a steak dinner."

Sam stands up, "Alright man, I'm holding you to that. Night Smooth Dog."

"Night Sam thanks again."

Steve hangs up the phone and heads upstairs. His brain is finally quite enough to allow him to get some sleep.

H50**************************************************************

My mind can be quite now that this story has been written.


End file.
